Report of Operation Kingfisher

02/08/1982 

Marie Kondor, BND Deputy Director

This is a top-secret BND report regarding Operation Kingfisher which occurred yesterday between 21:00 and 01:40 in east Berlin. The operation is considered a partial success. 

The agents chosen for this operation are listed below.

• Alek Thalasinos, a psychic assassin with the power of teleportation.
  
• Elvira Funkelstein, a former Stasi agent "persuaded" to work for us.
  
• Hildegard Von Bingen, A former nun and expert warrior.
  
• Karol Balogh, a prodigy at working with electrics & technology.
  
• Torben Goldreich, a charismatic native and former minor politician of the GDR.

The following are a few excerpts of individual interviews with each of our agents, asking them to recollect how the mission went, to attempt to establish an objective report of the events.

Marie Kondor: I liked the plan that you all devised. What was your role in it, and how did that go?

Torben Goldreich: I was going to be the "honeypot" and seduce Honecker, but when I was on the dance floor, I ended up having better luck befriending a gentleman known as "Chris P", or Crispy? I'm not sure which. Either way, after a bunch of karaoke and dancing, I ended up being his wingman, getting him with Honecker should've worked just as well. If it wasn't for this complication that happened later...

A picture Elvira sneakily took of the dance floor that night.

 

Karol Balogh: I was let into the basement under the guise of me being their electrician. God, the music was awful in that club, by the way. I had to put some classical music on in my walkman just to be able to think. Anyways, me and Elvira got a good overview of the building's power system from there, and we used that to find the CCTV cameras and the security room. There was just one problem... 

Karol expressed disdain at the top-of-the-line modern technology we had supplied her with. She went on a rant about how her homemade tech was better, and off the top of her head she named many serial codes for parts she needed to make machines better than what we'd provided her with. She said "You old folks just don't get it." She's right, I don't. 

Alek Thalasinos: The idea was that I would get an overview of the private areas where Honecker would have fun later, so I could then teleport in and out of there to take pictures of him in the act. That was the idea, at least. I kept being harassed by this one guy...

Marie Kondor: Elaborate, what was this dilemma you found yourself in?

Alek Thalasinos: Well I was going to look into these private booths, but this young man attempted to convince me he had psychic powers, which he tried to use to convince me to buy him a drink. I remembered a little bit too late that we were in a gay bar, so I accidentally let slip that I didn't swing that way. He brought over a bouncer to kick me out, and I ran away to the toilets. For a moment I was afraid I was going to get arrested for being heterosexual! I had to teleport to another stall to avoid getting caught.

Hildegard, who was listening in on the Stasi radio that night, noticed there was a mention of an anomalous dissapearance, raising the alarms. They apparently dispatched agents to the sewers, believing Alek had escaped down into the toilet.

Karol Balogh: The security room was of course occupied by a security guy. I convinced him to let me in, and then me and Elvira tried to knock him out with some smelling salts I'd brought with me, but that didn't work so we got into a little fight, which we fortunately won, then we had control over all the CCTV in the building. From the camera into the private room there, we got what the mission required of us.

Torben Goldreich: Right as Honecker, Crispy, and I were going to enter a private room, one of Honecker's bodyguards started really interrogating me and checking my ID, so the others started having fun without me. Elvira tried to use her reputation as a Stasi agent to get me off the hook, but apparently the bodyguard, also a Stasi agent, was trying to meet a quota for a required amount of arrests per month and wouldn't let me go.

At this point, all the agents were together in the same area, and their stories all identify that Thalasinos teleported towards this agent and then tried to take him down together with Goldreich, who described the situation thusly: "I grabbed the guard’s hands in an attempt to distract him while Alek punched him from behind. The veins on the bodyguard’s face turned red very rapidly, and he mustered some superhuman or augmented strength, freeing him from my grab and he blocked Alek’s punch with ease. I screamed as the guard punched me in the face. After punching me he turned around, lifted Alek and then threw him to the end of the corridor. I heard his bones crunch and break and I saw he wasn't getting up and seemed to be unconscious.

I was then about to break because the situation seemed really bad for me, I was alone in the hallway with an augmented Stasi agent blocking my way out. My nose was bleeding and maybe broken, I had left my pistol in the Lada and there was no way I was able to outmatch the bodyguard barehanded. Suddenly the lights went out, the music from the disco stopped and it was really quiet and dark for a moment. [...] I thought to myself: Half an hour ago I was enjoying my time on the dancefloor and now I’m running for my life in a dark corridor flashing with gunfire."

[The above is an excerpt from: Dance in the Eisvogel: Torben Goldreich's full report of Operation Kingfisher,]

All agents escaped the Eisvogel with their lives, and returned to west Berlin a few hours later.

 

Funkelstein is not the only Stasi agent in our grasp. Another double agent, Louis R, tested her true loyalties: He offered her a large sum of cash in exchange for betraying her allies. She succeeded on our test. He also informs us that Torben Goldreich is now on the Stasi's most wanted list.

 

Alek Thalasinos has been considered a liability for a while, ever since his last mission. There, he was tasked with eliminating a crime family, which he did by killing the patriarch, planting knives and C4 in his body, and then using him as a human nail bomb to eliminate the rest. This agent can not simply be fired, for then he might begin working for the enemy. While he broke many bones during this mission, It was hoped he would die. Hospitalized instead, we're transferring him to a run-down third world hospital where we will bribe a nurse to inject him with poison, so that we may finally be rid of him. 

Alek Thalasinos currently, before hospital transfer.